Jesus said, “Whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will save it.”
The one way we have of lawfully losing ourselves is for us to develop such a love for others that our desire for their wellbeing keeps our self love under control, freeing us to lawfully lose ourselves.
Most people looking for love are looking for someone to love them, but what they need to do is to find someone to whom they can give love.
The people most of us have known who saved their lives by losing it were our parents. Clothing and educating us gave them a satisfaction that had them almost forgetting their own needs.
While self-sacrificing parents are a clear example of those who save their lives by losing their self-absorption, there must be another way open to those of us not in a position to start a family. What we might do is make the effort to turn our concern away from ourselves by giving unselfish love to some individual or individuals who are badly in need of love.